10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. (Psa 46:10-11)
I see a stage in my minds eye. Dark curtains shroud the stage and the lights dim. Every heart is stilled and each child waits on baited breath. I am on that stage and the magician for our school assembly promises to hypnotize me. He tells me to clear my mind of any thought. At that note I strive to silence my mind, slow my breathing and concentrate on the swinging medallion in front of my eyes. Not…..Happening. In my lifetime nothing requested of me would ever be harder than this moment in time. Silence my mind! I wish it were so easy.
I have a hard time being slow. In my daily routine I spit and sputter running from this to that while all the time easily distracted by something else. I have adhd. It is thrilling and debilitating at the same time. I spend much of my life caught up in the wonder of everything only to find I have missed out on something because of distraction. Of course I know that no one can see, know or experience all of this experience called life. However the simple loss of something to the distraction of something else has a palatable pain. God calls us to be still. There must be a way to accomplish stillness. He speaks through the stillness. It is there we know Him. Probably one of my hardest tasks is to be still. I work to still my body because of my nervous energy. Daily I labor to still my voice because I rarely know silence. Yet once again God’s requirement of stillness requires silence. O sure there are times he wants us to cry out to him, call upon him, search for him and answer him. Yet for as many times he requires one, he requires the other as well. Stillness of body and silence of the mouth serve as the initial battles I fight daily. Why is there always a third? Knock three times on the ceiling ripples across my thoughts as I write this piece. Music wafts away in my mind while I “gee and Haw” trying to get the mule of my mind back into sync with my writing. Gee and Haw….Makes my reminiscent of my great grandmother. She loved to plow. She loved Jesus…O yeah. I am writing. Does that give you a taste of my mind? Believe me it is just the tip of the iceberg. Don’t get me started on the ship sinking.
I struggle with, probably, my greatest battle to corral my thoughts. They are in a constant state of flux. The simple tasks of writing an outline, formulating a static thought in a linear fashion without interrupting thoughts consumes my life. Often I am mentally exhausted. Being still of mind to hear the voice of my creator, though my constant goal, spins elusive and rare in my life. Meditation, music, and medication all work together and help but I never know these moments enough. However the command rings as clear and steady as the beat of my heart and the breath of my lungs. I long for order, I yearn to be still. My lifetime goal is to know him. People say they do not believe in, have not heard from or ever had experience with God yet I know in my heart He is there. I have heard his voice and know the nuance of his intonation. My heart quickens at his presence and I weep when I know I am doing his command. One day face to face. I shall behold him. I will know my redeemer in more than a nuanced nudge of my heart.
May my challenges never be more than my resolve in this matter. My heart cry for silence, my soul song for the sound of your voice, may their fervency echo only on the shores of heaven continually as I seek your face. Amen